Outward, Inward
by SkullszEyes
Summary: Alice has forgotten the fire, forgotten her time in the Asylum, forgotten Wonderland. However, the residence of Wonderland haven't forgotten her, even the Red Queen, who is willing to shove Alice down the rabbit hole herself if it brings light back to Wonderland.
1. Girl Dressed in Red

**Outward, Inward.**

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><p><em>"Only a few find the way;<br>some don't recognize it when they do;  
>some don't ever want to.<em>"

** Cheshire Cat.  
><strong>

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><p><em>"Alice"<em> A sweet melodic voice echoed in the darkness, a light burned far away but she couldn't go near it. Everywhere, hands grasped at her skin, at her hair, at her dull colored blue dress. And when she couldn't scream, the numerous voices continued to call out for her. Begging from far away in her subconscious and the hands held her from going near the light.

"Alice!" She woke with a start and automatically sat up in her bed, her eyes blinking away the blurriness as she turned to the doorway to see a woman, Nora Rainbird, a few giggling children huddled at her side. "You overslept again, Alice. Get up and do your morning chores." Ms. Rainbird turned away and left the room.

Alice flipped the blankets off and swung her legs to the side, her bare feet touched the wooden floor and she shivered at how cold it was in the room.

"Did you have another bad dream, Alice?" A boy asked, he wore brown plaid shorts, and a black shirt with a tie. His hair was a mess and his face filthy.

She rubbed her eyes and a yawn escaped, "Yes. Edward. I was trying to reach a light, but the hands were keeping me at bay." She stood up and walked towards her dresser and pulled out a black and white dress with a white apron. She shooed the boys out and closed the door, she quickly changed and turned to the small table with a picture sitting on top. A picture of her lost family whom died in a family when she was young. Without her notice, she itched her skin where she could feel the flames licking her. With a sigh, she left her room and walked into the foyer of _Houndsditch Home and Refuge for Wayward Youth._

The place was filthy, but what did you expect. No one in London cared about orphans, and no one bothered to adopt any. The young children were brought up in abusive homes, places Alice never been in. The memories of the asylum seeped in her mind, the screeches of metal doors being opened and closed, the squeaking of wheels and the flickering of lights. A slight pain entered her mind and she tried to shake it away, she breathed in and out and picked up a few stray toys on the floor. Two young boys stood in front of the bookshelves and were ripping out the pages.

She raised her brow and walked over to them. "Edgar and Rowan. What are you two doing?" She seethed, grabbing the book they were tearing up. They giggled and ran around her, "Go upstairs and play with Jasper."

They both shook their heads, "Jasper's in therapy."

"Yep. Yep. Therapy. J-Jasper's in therapy," Rowan mimicked and ran off down the hallway with Edgar following after him.

Alice raised her brow, she glanced down at the teared up pages scattered on the floor. She picked them up and placed them inside the book and neatly put them into the bookshelf. She turned around to head into the kitchen to start on the dishes or any other chores. Instead she found a young girl standing by the front door, staring back at her with a vague expression.

"Oh.. Hello.." Alice muttered, walking around the table. "Is there.. something you needed?" She wondered. From the clothing the girl wore were too clean to be an orphans, she wore a red dress with black boots, her dark hair were in curls down her back, her eyes were a dark emerald.

"I was chasing a white cat and seemed to find myself all the way out here. I was wondering if it came inside." The girl glanced around, not moving from where she was standing.

Alice narrowed her eyes down the hall, the giggles and laughter of the children were dim and none seemed to be on the main floor. "I'll check if the children have it." The girl nodded and stayed by the door while Alice headed down the hallway and up the stairs to the second floor.

She looked into the boys dorm room first, they were playing with the blocks by the window, a few were coloring on sheets of paper. "Have any of you seen a white cat?"

They all looked to her, they all had a piece of cardboard tied with a thin rope around their necks, a number was on the front in black bold letters. Alice never questioned this, she didn't want anything disturbing ruining her treatment, so she pretended what was happening was just her imagination.

"Why would a cat be in here?

"There's a cat.."

"Where's the cat?"

They questioned each other, muttering cats and looked under their beds, pushing their clothes from their dressers and simply made a mess.

Alice rolled her eyes, "I was just asking." She moved to the girl's dorm where the beds were perfectly made, however, they sat on the floor, tearing off the dolls heads and clothing, papers of strange drawings were on the walls.

"Have any of you seen a cat come in here?" She asked the girls.

A few looked at her, some didn't. A few snorted and laughed.

"Dr. Bumby doesn't let us have cats.. No cats."

"No pets allowed," Another snickered.

"Don't be daft, Alice. There are no cats."

"Do you still miss Dinah.. Stupid cat."

Alice sighed and walked towards Dr. Bumby's room. She knocked and heard soft words on the other side. She knocked again and when she opened the door. A young boy sat on the couch, Dr. Bumby, an older man with a mustache and tailored clothes sighed at her intrusion.

"There's a girl downstairs looking for a white cat. Have you seen it?" Dr. Bumby sat up straight, tucking the key - he helps the children forget their pasts - in his pocket

"No. There are no pets in this house, Alice. And I haven't seen any since I've been in here working with Jasper, who is this young girl?" He asked, patting the boy on the shoulder and he slid off the couch and walked towards the door. Alice didn't even look at him as he left.

"I didn't ask her name. She looked to be an aristocratic girl, she said she followed a white cat and ended up on this side of the city." Alice felt a sense of familiarity enter her mind, but she pushed it away.

Dr. Bumby sighed, "Alright then. Can you tell Elsie to come in here, please." She nodded and left the room, she called to Elsie, the young brunette wearing a white dress and a glare in her eyes to see Dr. Bumby. The girl rolled her eyes, dropped her toys and headed for the room.

Alice went back downstairs, when she returned into the foyer. The girl was gone. Ms. Rainbird walked into the foyer from the kitchen, a hand on her hip, her teeth clenched. "Hurry it up, Alice, quit dawdling."

"There was a girl here.. Have you seen where she went?" Alice asked.

Ms. Rainbird narrowed her eyes at the doorway, "No. Alice, I haven't seen a girl. Can you get into the kitchen and do the dishes." She screeched which made Alice's heart jump almost out of her chest, she scurried off to the kitchen, at the same time she wondered why the girl would leave, then again, maybe she found her cat and left.

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><p><em><strong>an: **Reviews are appreciated. No flames or bashing please._


	2. We Need You

**Outward Inward.**

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><p><em>"There is no method in this madness!"<em>

**Queen of Hearts.**

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><p>"1.. 2.. 3... Wake up."<p>

Alice blinked open her eyes. She sat up on the velvet couch, her hand automatically touched the side of her head, a throbbing pain ached at her temples. She clenches her teeth, annoyed by it. "Every session, the same feeling. Are you sure your methods are doing its job? I feel worse than when I entered," Alice remarked, ignoring how bitter she sounded.

"Yes, Alice, everything is going splendid. The memories of your past have been almost eradicated," Dr. Bumby said, he hid his smile as she swung her legs off the couch.

"Okay," Alice said, feeling uneasy as she stands.

"Do you need a refill for the pills I prescribed for you?" Dr. Bumby asked, his back turned to her as she shuffled a few papers on his desk.

Alice sniffled and shook her head. "No. I'm good. Thanks." She left the room and walked down the hall to the stairs. It's been several days since the little girl in red came to Houndsditch and she hadn't appeared since. Alice looked around for a white cat, but found nothing of the sort.

She entered her bedroom and closed the door than came to the portrait of her family. Alice remembered the feel of fire along her skin and the ice of snow on the ground. The darkness swallowing her up and the screams blocking out everything else. Her days in the asylum were blurry and she sometimes asked herself if she was ever really there. Maybe she always lived with Dr. Bumby or Nurse Witless, or Nan Sharpe.

She exhaled and closed her eyes. Remembering was a bad idea, scratching at the surface was worse. Dr. Bumby said memories so harsh must never be awakened, if so, it'll take more time to block them out. He always said it was better to forget what happened, to forget the pain she felt. Sometimes she wondered if it was better to feel this way, empty and lost without the knowledge of her family.

'_Wonderland.. needs you..'_ A voice. Far away, it sounded like screams in different tones, terrified and tortured. She opened her eyes, her hands shook with fear as she turned around, about to head out to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, but a gasp left her.

In her room stood the girl in red. She wore the same clothing, same indifferent gaze and emerald colored eyes. "Alice." The voice wasn't of a child, but of an elderly woman with scorn. "What have you done?" It changed into a child's and it was disturbing to witness as Alice inched closer to the door.

The girl scowled at her and when Alice dashed for the door knob, she tried turning it, but the girl slammed it closed.

Alice's breath hitched as she looked at the girl more closely. She was shorter, her head tilted to the side as if looking at Alice for the first time. There was recognition and it utterly confused her, the slithering crawl latched onto her arm and girl grimaced. There was nothing on her arm, but she knew she felt something. It was there, but not entirely. She pulled back and it released her.

"Wonderland needs you.. Alice. Don't you remember?" The girl asked, her voice changing in abstract tones to an old woman and to a young girl, she wondered how this was, and backed away. Dr. Bumby had said she suffered severe hallucinations when going into the Asylum and during, always talking about strange cats and a murderous queen. He never shared too much, in case Alice tried to remember, she never attempted it.

"I don't know.. what you're talking about," Alice said, her entire body shaking and her heart hammered furiously in her chest. She felt a slick of sweat slide down the side of her face, her eyes stayed on the girl, wondering how on earth she got in the room so quickly and so quietly. Alice had no idea what she was referring to either, there was nothing that could help her with what the girl wanted. Wonderland? She didn't even know what it was.

The girl shook her head disapprovingly. "Useless, Alice. How are you to save us if you can't even remember?"

Alice swallowed the lump in her throat. "W-what are you talking about?"

"The fire, Alice. What of your family, don't you remember them? How they died? And of Wonderland, we are starving, Alice, _we need you_," The young girl said with a growl of reluctance, as if she didn't dare say the words and believe it.

"Wonderland?.. Fire.." Alice murmured, there was nothing there. Fire was obvious, her family died in one and she came out unscathed, of course she was comatose in a insane asylum for most of her life, but those memories were gone. Thanks to Dr. Bumby, she didn't need to remember, she was good, healthy, sane.

The girl's brows knit together, she was still scowling. "You don't even remember, shrouded by lies and lies. You let him do this to you," The girl stepped forward, her hands clenched into fists, "you forgot Wonderland because of what he said. You listened to him, believed him. He's nothing but a liar, Alice. Stop listening to him!" The girl was now screaming so loud in the room and inside Alice's mind, it was like she was in both places at once and all Alice could do was scream.

She fell to her knees, ignoring the throbbing pain as she covered her ears and closed her eyes. She didn't know how long she was there or how long she was screaming. But she felt someone whispering in her ear and wrenching her hands away. A squabbling of children surrounded her, but her mind was on edge and her body twitched and fidgeted. Alice forgot her surroundings and who was there when she was placed in her bed and the sound of Dr. Bumby pushing the others out of her bedroom.

She forgot and she needed to remember.

'_Save us, Alice. We need your help!'_ The whispers screamed and Alice fell in a deep dream.

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><p><em>an: Hey. Sorry for the delay. I've been busy with my other stories, also I.. lost interest. Trying to get back into it. :) _

_Reviews are appreciated. No flames or bashing please._


	3. Don't Be An Example

**Outward, Inward.**

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><p>"Alice." Her voice sounded cracked and slow in her ear. She fought it off, not wanting to wake and enter that dreadful reality. So she searched in the dark of her mind, hands out, looking for a surface, screaming but no one answered her plea. All that she heard was her name, called out in a mantra of twisted voices, but one that sounded so keenly familiar, she wondered where she heard it.<p>

_Lizzie._

She sat up, her chest heaving, a groan left her lips as she closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. It hurt. Something inside hurts and she doesn't know what to do about it. The fear is pressed against her skin, her fingers tremble as she remembered the girl in red, spouting nonsense about Dr. Bumby.

Why would a girl she nor Dr. Bumby has ever seen, accuse him of lying? Sure the man might keep some secrets, but everyone has skeletons in their closets, and hers might be a bit more fresh than others.

She flipped the blanket and stood up. She walked over to the picture of her family and pressed her finger against her older sister, Elizabeth's, face.

Always so nice, sweet, never wanting to do the things that benefited their parents interests, like finding a husband, she did things her way. Independent with a foul mouth, wandered around older men and smoked cigars, sometimes smelled of father's Whiskey. Lizzie. She missed her dearly, wished she was here with her, telling her what she saw was a lie and what she experienced was a relapse of her madness she endured in Rutledge.

She shuddered. The memories were vague, thanks to Dr. Bumby's sessions. She rarely remembered anything and what she felt before seemed like a dream. Sometimes she felt the slime of sweat and grime on her skin and under her nails, the awful taste of food forced in her mouth and a terrible voice in her ear, mumbling words that made little sense but were obviously insults.

She meandered out of the room. There were thumps above that indicated the children were playing in their rooms, but where was Ms. Rainbird? The woman never seemed to stop cleaning up, even though the children did their best to mess everything up.

Alice picked up several books lying on the floor and placed them near a stack of destroyed dolls and blocks with obscene words written out. She heard the creak of the door opening and looked up to see Ms. Rainbird holding two bags of groceries.

Her eyes were still as they stared at Alice, her hand tightened around the knob of the door. "You're awake, Alice," Ms. Rainbird said, walking in and closing the door behind her.

Alice smoothed out the crease in her dress and cleared her throat. "Yes. I'm sorry about the fright I gave everyone, it wasn't my intention." She didn't exactly know what happened besides a girl in her head, words tousled out that continued to give her a slight headache at her temples. She never felt so confused in so long, so dragged out and not truly knowing what to do besides smile and ignore it.

Ms. Rainbird nodded, she pulled her gaze away from Alice and walked towards the kitchen. "I did inquire about your sessions with Dr. Bumby -" Alice followed behind, irked that Ms. Rainbird decided so boldly to discuss what was going on with her. She'd known the moment she got the job to tend to the children, Alice helped with some of the chores and had the usual sessions with Dr. Bumby, but asking about the children and Alice's reasoning's was strictly unnecessary.

They entered the kitchen and Ms. Rainbird placed the bags down on the table and faced Alice with a small smile. "He said your sessions with him were confidential between patient and psychiatrist. But he did say you were at Rutledge Asylum before coming here, the extent of your late madness was still apparent and must be situated accordingly."

He spilled more than Alice thought he would. Her hands clenched at her sides, but Ms. Rainbird couldn't see since the table hid her frustration. Although she figured her grimace was obvious from the way Ms. Rainbird began unpacking the food and placing them down.

"You do have more to say about this, don't hold back, Ms. Rainbird, I'm quite curious," Alice said, releasing her hands, a slight pinprick of pain in her palms told her that her fingernails needed clipping in case she endured bruising or bleeding.

Ms. Rainbird hummed, her face complacent as if Alice's words humoured her. "Are you going to have another fret?"

The question stung, but Alice remained calm. She didn't know what happened, for a moment inside her bedroom, she lost control of sanity and was thrust into a screaming match with a girl that wasn't even there.

"I don't know," Alice said truthfully, "It might just be a relapse, but Dr. Bumby will help with that."

Ms. Rainbird stopped and looked up at Alice. Her face solemn as if Alice's answer wasn't as comforting as they were before. "I hope not, Alice. The children are scarred, they don't need an example." She rolled the crinkled paper bags into a ball and threw them into the trash, with her back turned, Alice left the room.

The children were scarred. She couldn't ignore that, with their smiles and cynical words, it hurt that they had to have witnessed her episode. Whatever fear they felt was gone when Dr. Bumby got his hands on them, but she wondered what would happen now when they have her on their minds, screaming and crying in pain on the hardwood floor. Muttering incoherent words of pain, would they remember the abuse, the abandonment, the neglect they all endured in their small lives.

She sniffled and walked out the front door and headed down the dark street towards the market. She needed a place to wander in her thoughts, but as she meandering by people who didn't wash and slur foul words. She ignored the woman in tight corsets with their cleavages exposed.

Where would she go? Not to that place in her dreams, not to the words she used to speak, not to the forbidden area of her nightmares, not to Wonderland, that was the last place she would ever go.

And as she turned down the alley, away from the loud noises, she spotted something in the dark, a white cat staring back at her.

"Are you a hallucination?" She asked the cat. Her hands trembled, but she suspected it was from lack of food. She hadn't eaten all day, things felt strange, her mind hurt, her body light but a throbbing pain emitted from her stomach.

The cat meowed a guttered sound. It turned its head and hurried down the alley.

Alice bit her lip, she couldn't follow it, it'd be just another catalyst of what happened, and Ms. Rainbird might just be right. She was an example of her madness breaking out and no one wanted to help someone like that, they'd lock her up if Dr. Bumby wasn't so interested in helping her.

"Alice.." A sharp voice made her jump, she turned around but no one was there. "You're very late.. Alice.." Rasping, coughing, groaning, a small snarl.

It sounded familiar and the word that uttered from her lips made her shudder with realization that felt foreign. "Rabbit?"

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><p><strong>an: **_Hello. Sorry for the late update. Haven't been in a writing mood lately, I don't really want to do anything actually. This chapter took awhile to figure out, had to rewrite it a few times. I gave the woman a name since she'll be in the story a bit, here and there. (Nora Rainbird.) I got her name off a Victorian Generator on Google. LOL. I haven't been in a very creative mood either, so using generators help with that. :D_

**_Reviews are appreciated. No flames or bashing please._**


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